just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
