I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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