Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
