um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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