Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Someone signed my nipple.
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