Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
