dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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