Having a random hookup so left but love u
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
