Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
