I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
