I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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