I got chris browned last night
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
