We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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