I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
