I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
