I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
