dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I am naked and annoyed.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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