So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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