Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
