I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
