apparently the secret to your success is patron
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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