When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
