if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
