Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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