Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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