Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
