allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
