last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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