He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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