he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
