Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Can you repeat that, but with context?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
