I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
