He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
