just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
