the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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