When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
