Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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