he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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