sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
