we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
