Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
