If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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