wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
