I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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