she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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