this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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