I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
