You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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