I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Best friends brother. Beat that.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Green mimosas i think yes
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
