so that wasnt chicken after all
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
