If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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