I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She needs sedatives and a leash
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
