just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
