I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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