I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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