I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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