i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
