like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
