you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
