I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
