My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This is my gift to your gina
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
