Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
