just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
