I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
