What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize