he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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