She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
