just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
