hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
