She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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