The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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