He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
