Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
