I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
