i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
